Author: veronica

I am a small town gal who loves her family and her farm!
Kids, Life, Love

Campfire contemplation

veronica

We recently took a family camping trip.  I’m not sure if it was the beauty of the night sky or simply insomnia but I was up in the wee hours to kindle the fire and muse.

Here it is:

Sitting here by the fire in my hoodie, I contemplate life as I sip my coffee. Instant Taster’s Choice…. It is anything but- the coffee, I mean.

Anyhow, I am so thankful for my family peacefully snoozing in the “8 person tent” (always subtract at least 2 when buying a new tent) behind me. I wonder a moment at my love for them.  How have these persons shaped me? Created a better being simply by entering the world.

I wonder if I have helped them enough.  Have I made them resilient and strong enough? Have I prayed for them as much as I could have? I find myself coming up short in so many ways.

I cannot undo what is done or return to moments past. We all get one shot.  I have loved my children fiercely- manically at times. Holding onto them as if I would break.  Maybe I would have.

My grasp on their world loosens as they grow.  I see beauty in the people they are becoming. I am so thankful for the positive influences and people around them that helped shape their lives. And yet, I miss the little days.  The hold my hand days- read me a story days.

I want to erase every angry word, every frustrated outburst – but I cannot.This is the irony and yet perfection of God’s plan.  If we could redo it would we be even more careless knowing we could always go back and fix it? It keeps me humble and looking forward to a better tomorrow.

I’m sure most mothers can relate,  How many times has our crown slipped? How many times did our rule as Queen Mama become a tyranny? You are not alone.  We have a God who believes in grace.  So much, in fact that He showered us with it.  I am learning (I’m a slow learner sometimes) to apply that to myself.  I’m not perfect- no one expects me to be. Except maybe me……

Today, Veronica, I give you grace.  I officially have permission to be human.  It is a gift I am giving to myself.

I look into the small fire before me. I watch the pieces of wood smoke then catch. Then it suddenly blossoms into flames.  I think of the scripture about the smoking flax.

…A bruised reed he will not break and smoking flax shall he not quench… Matthew 12:20

That’s me.  Smoking flax. I’ve been worn and I have failed at times but I am not finished.  I’m going to polish off my crown.  God is in charge of this fire.

Get Happy!, Health, Life, Love, Marriage

Lingering PTSD and your sanity

veronica

IMG_8677Hey there! I am well aware that this title is a bit foreboding but please don’t let that color me scary.  I am a milspouse and proud of it.  I have actually “graduated” as my hubby has since retired from the military. Adios Uncle Sam!!! So- you may think it’s over.  It’s done! No wars or deployments for this all American couple! From the practical side of things they are.  From the relationship side? Not so much…

First step is knowing the signs and sometimes that isn’t all that obvious.  I have a sweet tempered and relaxed attitude type hubby.  If he is strangely tense or irritable- something is up.

He is never one to be hostile but it can get lonely as he withdraws into his own headspace.  Kid dealing with a life struggle?  Hubby can’t help.  Overwhelmed with caring for home/work/kids/ect? Hubby can’t help.  Having an emotionally over the top day because your hangry and Aunt Flow is banging at the door-or just had a bad day? Hubby can’t help.  That’s what PTSD looks like at my house.  No angry outlashes but I feel as if I have lost my friend.  This is the heartbreak.  These things don’t stay constant. Thankfully!

We have good and bad days.  Here are my top tips to keep more good days happening:

  1. Pray daily for your spouse and your relationship *Daily* yes, daily! This is so important because all it takes is one harsh word and Mr. Strong and Silent is all clamped up again. He has to be able to trust you.  Show it with your words.
  2. Get out! Do your hair! Be gorgeous! Read a book! Get some me time.  Dealing with life gets hairy and you need to step away now and then.  I did not follow this advice and I fell into burn out.  Oh, wicked burnout- it’s ugly y’all!
  3. Confide in someone -ANYONE.  Well, not just anyone. Someone you trust.  Even someone who has no idea what you are facing will do.  You just need a good ear so you can release any built up frustrations safely.  *please* do not “DUMP” on your friends- use good judgement here. You want them to listen to you next time too so keep your friends happy and be an ear for them when they need it too 🙂
  4. Look for people who “get it”.  This might be joining a FB page or making contact with another milspouse.  I have only a handful of wives that I know well so I went online and listened to webinars.  Whatever you need to connect and feel understood. You aren’t alone.
  5. Be proactive about your marriage and your home.  Plan fun activities for your children.  Plan date nights.  Be the cruise ship recreational director! Your spouse may need the nudge to get out and do.  You may be exhausted already but getting a jolt of “something new” may just unlock a door or two.  You may end up with many happy surprises along the way.
  6. Seek wise counsel when needed.  Not your favorite Auntie who hates all men or your high school girlfriend three times divorced.  I am forever thankful for the mentors in my life.  Their lives have inspired me to live better and kinder.
  7. Finally, don’t be afraid to start over.  Sometimes we truly need a restart.  If you are really struggling-get that restart.  Get “remarried”, say those vows again –  they will have an even deeper meaning now than ever before.  You can’t avoid change so embrace it.  Commit yourself to marry the man that came home to you- not the memory of the man you remember. Best wishes and big love, Veronica
Random

Today

veronica

IMG_0311Mama said there would be days like this…

 

Well, it was a glorious “faux spring” day as I like to call it. (Actually, I just made that up but it sounds good doesn’t it?) It’s the in between winter and spring time here.  You never know when snow will fall or the temp will rise.  The air was chilly this morning but the bright sky promised sunshine that would warm the air.  I went to my car this morning to get it preheated and …nothing….no go…literally.

So, my mechanical son grabbed the portable battery charger (these are week old batteries by the way) and tired to give it some juice.  Again, no go.  So hubby comes to the rescue with the mega battery charger.  Success! We truck off to school and plug in our charger there to make sure we could get home again.  It charges all morning. I go out at lunch and… no go.  *insert large and audible sigh*

Well, it gets better my friends. Our house showed today as well.  I was unaware that our house was showing today.  Had I been aware I would have washed the dishes, flushed the toilets and picked up straggling bits of dirty clothing….but, hey, that’s just me! Not everyone is so picky! Ha.

I kinda wanted to scream for a moment but then I remembered that I’m not actually in danger or starving or homeless.  That tiny bit of perspective made me breathe a deep sigh of thankfulness and relief.  It’s ok. Life is good.  I’m actually not going to die and the world will go on turning.  Ah, perspective… and that is why God gives us life in 24hr installments 🙂

Life

Yesterday’s wifey

veronica

Back in the yester years ladies had a high calling.  I found lovely book the other day at the library.  It’s called The Seasonal Hearth by Adelaide Hechtlinger.

There are several recipes and menus from early America but the things that caught my eye were those pertaining to the women themselves.

Here are a few tidbits extracted  that I found to be inspiring:

 

GARDENING FOR LADIES

Make up your beds early in the morning; sew buttons on your husband’s shirts; do not rake up any grievances; protect the young and tender branches of your family; plant a smile of good temper in your face, and root out all angry feelings, and expect a good crop of happiness

love the gardening metaphor 🙂

 

THE WOMAN WHO LAUGHS

For a good, everyday household angel, give us the woman who laughs.  Her biscuits may not be always just right, and she may occasionally burn her bread, and forget to replace dislocated buttons; but, for solid comfort all day and every day, she is a very paragon.  The trick of always seeing the bright side, or, if the matter has no bright side, of shining up the dark one, is a very important faculty; one of the things no woman should be without.  We are not all born with the sunshine in our hearts, as the Irish prettily phrase it; but we can cultivate a cheerful sense of humor, if only we try.

If you aren’t much for house work…just keep smiling! Seriously though, I find that my mood sets the tone for those around me.  It’s a struggle sometimes but I’ve got to do what I know is right.  My pastor preaches two messages that hit this on the head.  “Get rid of your Stinkin’ Thinkin'” and “I think myself Happy”.  It takes a lot of mental effort but the results are life changing!

Old fashioned for sure but I  find a good bit of this advice is still sound

These excerpts are originally from The Old Farmer’s Almanac, Robert B. Thomas

Holidays

A New Year

veronica

I am happy to report that our humble little Christmas was a success.  The kids looked forward to a daily activity and we did everything from parades to sledding to reading a new book.  The highlight had to be the Santa Train ride.  It was a wonder of antique machinery that was a marvel to the kids.  We got a bonus ride in the caboose when they had to go back and switch trains between rides.  That will be a keepsake memory for sure.

On to the New Year!

Our son was finishing up his last night of the youth meeting as the new year rolled in.  We joined the youth sledding party as a last bit of fun before settling back into school.

That night we had a beautiful time of prayer for our little family.  We gathered together and prayed for one another, ourselves and the coming year.  There was not a dry eye in the room.  We are expecting great things to come .

Welcome to 2016

Home, Life

making home

veronica

So here is a bit about me.  I am currently living in a rural college town.  Yes, they do build Universities in the sticks.  I have always been a west coaster although now I am closer to the mountains than the sea.

Growing up, the trees and rivers surrounded us.  It was like a fairy tale to me.  The mossy trunks, the ferns so delicate, the spunky (and funky) skunk cabbage all added to the elfish quality of the surroundings.  And the fog… I loved it.  I could walk into the fog forever.  It was a blanket of mist surrounding me and shielding me.  Now,  I understand that on the road fog is dangerous but then it was a wonderful cocoon. I loved it.

My college dorm room was located right next to the elevator.  As in, the elevator shaft was closed in and that enclosure was in my room.  It was an old building too.  The oldest on campus.  I didn’t really mind too much.  Once I got used to it I began to predict who it was coming and going based on what time of day it was.  In some cases I would expect people and be ready at the elevator door and my predictions were usually pretty accurate.  The rumble of the cables became familiar and comforting.  Who was coming up?  A guest?  A friend? It always gave me a sense of expectancy.

When I rented my first apartment fog horns would blast outside my bedroom window.  My apartment overlooked the mouth of the Columbia and it was wonderful to see the water traffic going too and fro.  Another bit of magic and wonder to me.  I still love that sound coupled with the watery scent of the docks.

Nowadays I associate the blare of a fog horn to with the whistle of a train.  The train runs through my town and is required to blow the horn at certain points.  I have often been in that bleary state between sleeping and waking and mistaken my location because they sounded alike to me.

The soft earthy pine smell of the mountains replaces the damp earthy smell of the woods. There are no rumbling elevators in my house now.  But I can still hear the train whistle across town.  I suspect if I lived in South Africa I would associate the trumpet of and elephant with both the fog horn and the train!

So it is with me.  I am home where I am.

Random

Ode to Electric Blanket

veronica

Soft and warm

to varying degrees

You shield me from frigid nights

A home of heat away from all danger of frost

Electric blanket

I.LOVE.YOU.

I don’t mind your wires that wind

I can’t express my gratitute

You heat me

You help me

You warm me to the core

Shall I go on?

Need I say more?

You are the answer for blustery winter nights

And when spring comes again

I’ll pack you away

And you won’t even be offended

I like that!

Holidays

Going giftless this holiday

veronica

Hey there!

I have been seeing more of this as late and I’m actually super happy to hear that others are trying it out.  A couple years ago my hubby and I gave zero gifts to each other or our three kids for Christmas.  Ok, I know you must be thinking that I am cold and heartless and I have now robbed my children of a magical memory that will never be replaced….well, maybe you aren’t.

I have been to places where I have seen children begging for something, ANYTHING from you because you are a white American.  I have seen a child’s face light up when they discovered a baby wipe can clean their face without water.  It’s heart breaking and hope building all at the same time.

How do we open our children to this experience without hauling them to a third world country?  How to we teach them compassion for those that have less?  How to we instill a strong work ethic and to earn what they get?  How do we teach them that when they earn and purchase what they want that it is not the thing that makes them happy but the earning?

For these reasons I chose to opt out of gifts.  It was pretty awkward Christmas morning.  I gotta admit most of my family probably didn’t see where I was coming from.  But I learned that my kids were very understanding.  Now when we see an angel tree in the store we talk about each child that will go without.  We look for ways to help the hurting instead of making lists for our newest “wishes”.

This year we are doing small gifts (nothing over $10). The kids are purchasing with their own money.  One gift per person from each person – there are five of us.  It’s perfect. It’s all we need.

We are also being a bit sneaky and playing secret santa to a dear friend who has faced a loss. More to come on that….LATER.

FYI we did take a ski trip in February and Christmas week we went shopping for snow clothes so there was some purchasing involved. Just not on the actual day!

Life

Livin’ in the lean times

veronica

The squeeze is on here. There are full times and then there are lean times.  We are getting creative on the home front trying to make the most of what we have.  So far the library has been a wonderful source for books and audio tapes for amusement.  It’s funny, because just I was deliberating about our current situation I opened my Bible to this:

Matthew 6:30

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Yeah, that wasn’t just a coincidence. Hmm… maybe I should build up that faith a bit. 🙂

 

Life

heartaches

veronica

So, in the spirit of keepin’ it real I have to bring a little something to the table.  What to do when you flat just got smacked down by life.  Whatever the cause or event the end result leaves you face down wallowing in a mud puddle of misery.  Anybody ever been there? I sure have.

I have found that in these times you not only find out who your friends are but you find what you are made of.  When you’re in the nitty gritty and all your peeps are happily sailing along without you (or so it seems) we could all take a little tip from Annie.  But the that fuzzy little red head is no where to be found…. sigh*

Well, when the hurt is real find you a quiet place and breathe.  Deep breathing is highly calming

Cry- cry your heart out! You will feel better (just remember to wash  your face when you are done)

Nobody wants to listen to all your bellyaches but you can take it to God.  Prayer is free and available to all.  Lift it up and lighten the load.

Write it down.  Get that pen and paper and give it a piece of your mind! (you can always rip it up later…or burn it 🙂 ..this is also stress relieving)

Get a mentor who has seen a few things in life.  Not a buddy, not a yes-girl, not a shop-a-holic (or any other kind of holic) but someone who can see the bigger picture that knows your potential.  Don’t settle on this one, search until you find someone to fit the role.

Dust off that Bible.  It’s chock full of people between a rock and a hard place.  Anybody know a guy named David?  Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.  He was mighty, brave and used of God.  He was also very human.  It’s relieving to know that even great people have valleys in life.

Finally- there is a great message available on Apostolic Classics by Vaughn Morton called “Let it Unfold”.  Whenever I feel like life is riding me I listen to this and get myself back to riding life 🙂