Category: Life

Keepin’ it real, the struggles and the joys.

Kids, Life, Love

Campfire contemplation

veronica

We recently took a family camping trip.  I’m not sure if it was the beauty of the night sky or simply insomnia but I was up in the wee hours to kindle the fire and muse.

Here it is:

Sitting here by the fire in my hoodie, I contemplate life as I sip my coffee. Instant Taster’s Choice…. It is anything but- the coffee, I mean.

Anyhow, I am so thankful for my family peacefully snoozing in the “8 person tent” (always subtract at least 2 when buying a new tent) behind me. I wonder a moment at my love for them.  How have these persons shaped me? Created a better being simply by entering the world.

I wonder if I have helped them enough.  Have I made them resilient and strong enough? Have I prayed for them as much as I could have? I find myself coming up short in so many ways.

I cannot undo what is done or return to moments past. We all get one shot.  I have loved my children fiercely- manically at times. Holding onto them as if I would break.  Maybe I would have.

My grasp on their world loosens as they grow.  I see beauty in the people they are becoming. I am so thankful for the positive influences and people around them that helped shape their lives. And yet, I miss the little days.  The hold my hand days- read me a story days.

I want to erase every angry word, every frustrated outburst – but I cannot.This is the irony and yet perfection of God’s plan.  If we could redo it would we be even more careless knowing we could always go back and fix it? It keeps me humble and looking forward to a better tomorrow.

I’m sure most mothers can relate,  How many times has our crown slipped? How many times did our rule as Queen Mama become a tyranny? You are not alone.  We have a God who believes in grace.  So much, in fact that He showered us with it.  I am learning (I’m a slow learner sometimes) to apply that to myself.  I’m not perfect- no one expects me to be. Except maybe me……

Today, Veronica, I give you grace.  I officially have permission to be human.  It is a gift I am giving to myself.

I look into the small fire before me. I watch the pieces of wood smoke then catch. Then it suddenly blossoms into flames.  I think of the scripture about the smoking flax.

…A bruised reed he will not break and smoking flax shall he not quench… Matthew 12:20

That’s me.  Smoking flax. I’ve been worn and I have failed at times but I am not finished.  I’m going to polish off my crown.  God is in charge of this fire.

Get Happy!, Health, Life, Love, Marriage

Lingering PTSD and your sanity

veronica

IMG_8677Hey there! I am well aware that this title is a bit foreboding but please don’t let that color me scary.  I am a milspouse and proud of it.  I have actually “graduated” as my hubby has since retired from the military. Adios Uncle Sam!!! So- you may think it’s over.  It’s done! No wars or deployments for this all American couple! From the practical side of things they are.  From the relationship side? Not so much…

First step is knowing the signs and sometimes that isn’t all that obvious.  I have a sweet tempered and relaxed attitude type hubby.  If he is strangely tense or irritable- something is up.

He is never one to be hostile but it can get lonely as he withdraws into his own headspace.  Kid dealing with a life struggle?  Hubby can’t help.  Overwhelmed with caring for home/work/kids/ect? Hubby can’t help.  Having an emotionally over the top day because your hangry and Aunt Flow is banging at the door-or just had a bad day? Hubby can’t help.  That’s what PTSD looks like at my house.  No angry outlashes but I feel as if I have lost my friend.  This is the heartbreak.  These things don’t stay constant. Thankfully!

We have good and bad days.  Here are my top tips to keep more good days happening:

  1. Pray daily for your spouse and your relationship *Daily* yes, daily! This is so important because all it takes is one harsh word and Mr. Strong and Silent is all clamped up again. He has to be able to trust you.  Show it with your words.
  2. Get out! Do your hair! Be gorgeous! Read a book! Get some me time.  Dealing with life gets hairy and you need to step away now and then.  I did not follow this advice and I fell into burn out.  Oh, wicked burnout- it’s ugly y’all!
  3. Confide in someone -ANYONE.  Well, not just anyone. Someone you trust.  Even someone who has no idea what you are facing will do.  You just need a good ear so you can release any built up frustrations safely.  *please* do not “DUMP” on your friends- use good judgement here. You want them to listen to you next time too so keep your friends happy and be an ear for them when they need it too 🙂
  4. Look for people who “get it”.  This might be joining a FB page or making contact with another milspouse.  I have only a handful of wives that I know well so I went online and listened to webinars.  Whatever you need to connect and feel understood. You aren’t alone.
  5. Be proactive about your marriage and your home.  Plan fun activities for your children.  Plan date nights.  Be the cruise ship recreational director! Your spouse may need the nudge to get out and do.  You may be exhausted already but getting a jolt of “something new” may just unlock a door or two.  You may end up with many happy surprises along the way.
  6. Seek wise counsel when needed.  Not your favorite Auntie who hates all men or your high school girlfriend three times divorced.  I am forever thankful for the mentors in my life.  Their lives have inspired me to live better and kinder.
  7. Finally, don’t be afraid to start over.  Sometimes we truly need a restart.  If you are really struggling-get that restart.  Get “remarried”, say those vows again –  they will have an even deeper meaning now than ever before.  You can’t avoid change so embrace it.  Commit yourself to marry the man that came home to you- not the memory of the man you remember. Best wishes and big love, Veronica
Life

Yesterday’s wifey

veronica

Back in the yester years ladies had a high calling.  I found lovely book the other day at the library.  It’s called The Seasonal Hearth by Adelaide Hechtlinger.

There are several recipes and menus from early America but the things that caught my eye were those pertaining to the women themselves.

Here are a few tidbits extracted  that I found to be inspiring:

 

GARDENING FOR LADIES

Make up your beds early in the morning; sew buttons on your husband’s shirts; do not rake up any grievances; protect the young and tender branches of your family; plant a smile of good temper in your face, and root out all angry feelings, and expect a good crop of happiness

love the gardening metaphor 🙂

 

THE WOMAN WHO LAUGHS

For a good, everyday household angel, give us the woman who laughs.  Her biscuits may not be always just right, and she may occasionally burn her bread, and forget to replace dislocated buttons; but, for solid comfort all day and every day, she is a very paragon.  The trick of always seeing the bright side, or, if the matter has no bright side, of shining up the dark one, is a very important faculty; one of the things no woman should be without.  We are not all born with the sunshine in our hearts, as the Irish prettily phrase it; but we can cultivate a cheerful sense of humor, if only we try.

If you aren’t much for house work…just keep smiling! Seriously though, I find that my mood sets the tone for those around me.  It’s a struggle sometimes but I’ve got to do what I know is right.  My pastor preaches two messages that hit this on the head.  “Get rid of your Stinkin’ Thinkin'” and “I think myself Happy”.  It takes a lot of mental effort but the results are life changing!

Old fashioned for sure but I  find a good bit of this advice is still sound

These excerpts are originally from The Old Farmer’s Almanac, Robert B. Thomas

Home, Life

making home

veronica

So here is a bit about me.  I am currently living in a rural college town.  Yes, they do build Universities in the sticks.  I have always been a west coaster although now I am closer to the mountains than the sea.

Growing up, the trees and rivers surrounded us.  It was like a fairy tale to me.  The mossy trunks, the ferns so delicate, the spunky (and funky) skunk cabbage all added to the elfish quality of the surroundings.  And the fog… I loved it.  I could walk into the fog forever.  It was a blanket of mist surrounding me and shielding me.  Now,  I understand that on the road fog is dangerous but then it was a wonderful cocoon. I loved it.

My college dorm room was located right next to the elevator.  As in, the elevator shaft was closed in and that enclosure was in my room.  It was an old building too.  The oldest on campus.  I didn’t really mind too much.  Once I got used to it I began to predict who it was coming and going based on what time of day it was.  In some cases I would expect people and be ready at the elevator door and my predictions were usually pretty accurate.  The rumble of the cables became familiar and comforting.  Who was coming up?  A guest?  A friend? It always gave me a sense of expectancy.

When I rented my first apartment fog horns would blast outside my bedroom window.  My apartment overlooked the mouth of the Columbia and it was wonderful to see the water traffic going too and fro.  Another bit of magic and wonder to me.  I still love that sound coupled with the watery scent of the docks.

Nowadays I associate the blare of a fog horn to with the whistle of a train.  The train runs through my town and is required to blow the horn at certain points.  I have often been in that bleary state between sleeping and waking and mistaken my location because they sounded alike to me.

The soft earthy pine smell of the mountains replaces the damp earthy smell of the woods. There are no rumbling elevators in my house now.  But I can still hear the train whistle across town.  I suspect if I lived in South Africa I would associate the trumpet of and elephant with both the fog horn and the train!

So it is with me.  I am home where I am.

Life

Livin’ in the lean times

veronica

The squeeze is on here. There are full times and then there are lean times.  We are getting creative on the home front trying to make the most of what we have.  So far the library has been a wonderful source for books and audio tapes for amusement.  It’s funny, because just I was deliberating about our current situation I opened my Bible to this:

Matthew 6:30

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Yeah, that wasn’t just a coincidence. Hmm… maybe I should build up that faith a bit. 🙂

 

Life

heartaches

veronica

So, in the spirit of keepin’ it real I have to bring a little something to the table.  What to do when you flat just got smacked down by life.  Whatever the cause or event the end result leaves you face down wallowing in a mud puddle of misery.  Anybody ever been there? I sure have.

I have found that in these times you not only find out who your friends are but you find what you are made of.  When you’re in the nitty gritty and all your peeps are happily sailing along without you (or so it seems) we could all take a little tip from Annie.  But the that fuzzy little red head is no where to be found…. sigh*

Well, when the hurt is real find you a quiet place and breathe.  Deep breathing is highly calming

Cry- cry your heart out! You will feel better (just remember to wash  your face when you are done)

Nobody wants to listen to all your bellyaches but you can take it to God.  Prayer is free and available to all.  Lift it up and lighten the load.

Write it down.  Get that pen and paper and give it a piece of your mind! (you can always rip it up later…or burn it 🙂 ..this is also stress relieving)

Get a mentor who has seen a few things in life.  Not a buddy, not a yes-girl, not a shop-a-holic (or any other kind of holic) but someone who can see the bigger picture that knows your potential.  Don’t settle on this one, search until you find someone to fit the role.

Dust off that Bible.  It’s chock full of people between a rock and a hard place.  Anybody know a guy named David?  Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.  He was mighty, brave and used of God.  He was also very human.  It’s relieving to know that even great people have valleys in life.

Finally- there is a great message available on Apostolic Classics by Vaughn Morton called “Let it Unfold”.  Whenever I feel like life is riding me I listen to this and get myself back to riding life 🙂

Holidays, Life

ha-ha-holidays

veronica

Sooo… people may think I’m a bit of a grinch but that is absolutely not true.  Here’s the deal : I have a very different take on what Christmas means.  I love the lights and fun, the treats the songs and making merry does my heart good. I am just not a buyer.  Partly because my budget won’t allow it and partly because it makes me irritated and ornery to have the calendar dictate when I give gifts.

Let me clarify on the gifting –  I love to give gifts, just not if they are super costly and have little meaning to the receiver.  I enjoy sending handwritten notes throughout the year for no special reason.  I love sending care packages with homemade items when the mood strikes.  I send a text when I think of someone throughout the day.  That’s my kind of giving.

My kids are used to my eccentric ways and do not really question it.  I let them know before the season if it’s a lean year or a “full” year.  Oddly, they have absolutely no qualms either way.

This year they have purchased gifts for each other and I have one gift a piece squirreled away for them. No single present was more than $10.  Instead of gifting as much I do an “activity advent”.  This has been a fun way to count down the days and truly enjoy each other and the season.  For  each day of December they get to pull a slip of paper (with a pre-written activity on it) out of the envelope and we do what is listed.  Most of these I have made easy to do in a busy day like sing a carol by phone to Grandma.  That way it’s very little prep to squeeze an extra event into our already maxed schedule.  Some are a bit more involved like baking cookies for neighbors.  I gathered ideas from several sites online (don’t remember them all but there are TONS)  This is a fun and low cost way to just BE during the holidays and the gift of beautiful memories will live on forever.

 

Life

Mr. Cellophane

veronica

It’s an invisible kind of day.  Hello, to anyone who may read this.  I am, in fact, alive and well but often get that Mr. Cellophane kind of feel.  It’s a great song btw and a sort of anthem for wall flowers everywhere.  Well, in honor of all things invisible (people, problems, things we’d rather not say…) I am here to say that as your fellow wall flower I will do my utmost to notice you.  My new goal is to allow everyone that passes into my life the respect and attention they deserve.  I hope it comes back at me too.  In the words of Macy Gray “baby in between notice the blue skies, notice the butterflies, notice me.  Stop and smell the flowers and lose it, in sweet music and dance with me”.  (Only my FAVORITE song “Beauty in the World”) 🙂

Have a great day and notice someone.

Kids, Life

messes

veronica

One of those days…. did the dishes… it lasted through one meal. Did the laundry… the kids made mud pies. The kind of day where you find smooshed dog poop on the floor and then discover it was none other than yours truly who owned the offending sneaker. Moms everywhere know what I’m talking about.

I conducted a very unscientific experiment to see just how long a basket of clean towels (washed, dried and neatly folded) would sit on the bathroom counter before someone put them away- without my asking. Who would like to know what happened to my experiment? Any educated guesses out there? Three days later I put the towels away.

Hmmmm… time to start delegating again! What are your chore charts like? How do you manage your messes? I work part time at two jobs so I’m a stay-at-home-on-the-run mom.

Normally we reserve one day to hit our chores hard Monday (trash day). As it happens the kids and I are off school and it’s our homework day as well. It usually works out well. Chores, breakfast, homework and then maybe some errands thrown in there before dinner. Trouble is, one day a week is NOT enough. We do a daily quick pick up to put items back but not a “clean sweep”.

So, not wanting to reinvent the wheel I naturally want to see what other mamas have come up with for a fast and furious clean up during busy weekdays.

I’ve tried the 15 minute cleaning frenzy but that usually means that my son does 2 minutes of cleaning and disappears, my middle daughter cleans 30 minutes and holds a grudge, my little girl prances around “trying” to clean and ends up being more of a mess. DOES NOT WORK FOR ME.

Chore charts are great but I’m pooped when I get home and I honestly want 30 minutes to an hour to relax before I jump into dictator mode and git ‘er done.

Best thing I’ve done so far is clear out a bunch of clutter. My house feels cleaner and bigger. I can move around more freely and see what needs to be done with more clarity. Plus,…I can breathe again. There is something wonderful about the spareness of a room. It becomes a relaxing retreat and soothes the tired mind. I’m still working on it and my clutter bug comes out now and then.

What are your cleaning and clutter busting tips for busy mamas?