Category: Love

Sweet and mushy and all that!

Life, Love, Marriage

I’m going with NO today

veronica

Home sick today… not sure what’s up. Sore tummy, dizzy, yuck! Anyway, got the hubs to take kids to school so I could get dressed and sit in quiet for a minute to decide if I really had enough oomph for school today.  Um, no.  That didn’t happen.

I get a call from hubs about an hour after he drops kids off. Do I want to watch a 2 year old for a few hours? For his co-worker?

Um, let me think about it….. at home feeling crummy, pawned my own kids off so I could reserve a bit of sanity, skipped work so I could recoup….that’s gonna be a no!

I love my husband…

I love my husband…

I love my husband???

Oh, yes, I love my husband…

UGH!

Kids, Life, Love

Campfire contemplation

veronica

We recently took a family camping trip.  I’m not sure if it was the beauty of the night sky or simply insomnia but I was up in the wee hours to kindle the fire and muse.

Here it is:

Sitting here by the fire in my hoodie, I contemplate life as I sip my coffee. Instant Taster’s Choice…. It is anything but- the coffee, I mean.

Anyhow, I am so thankful for my family peacefully snoozing in the “8 person tent” (always subtract at least 2 when buying a new tent) behind me. I wonder a moment at my love for them.  How have these persons shaped me? Created a better being simply by entering the world.

I wonder if I have helped them enough.  Have I made them resilient and strong enough? Have I prayed for them as much as I could have? I find myself coming up short in so many ways.

I cannot undo what is done or return to moments past. We all get one shot.  I have loved my children fiercely- manically at times. Holding onto them as if I would break.  Maybe I would have.

My grasp on their world loosens as they grow.  I see beauty in the people they are becoming. I am so thankful for the positive influences and people around them that helped shape their lives. And yet, I miss the little days.  The hold my hand days- read me a story days.

I want to erase every angry word, every frustrated outburst – but I cannot.This is the irony and yet perfection of God’s plan.  If we could redo it would we be even more careless knowing we could always go back and fix it? It keeps me humble and looking forward to a better tomorrow.

I’m sure most mothers can relate,  How many times has our crown slipped? How many times did our rule as Queen Mama become a tyranny? You are not alone.  We have a God who believes in grace.  So much, in fact that He showered us with it.  I am learning (I’m a slow learner sometimes) to apply that to myself.  I’m not perfect- no one expects me to be. Except maybe me……

Today, Veronica, I give you grace.  I officially have permission to be human.  It is a gift I am giving to myself.

I look into the small fire before me. I watch the pieces of wood smoke then catch. Then it suddenly blossoms into flames.  I think of the scripture about the smoking flax.

…A bruised reed he will not break and smoking flax shall he not quench… Matthew 12:20

That’s me.  Smoking flax. I’ve been worn and I have failed at times but I am not finished.  I’m going to polish off my crown.  God is in charge of this fire.

Get Happy!, Health, Life, Love, Marriage

Lingering PTSD and your sanity

veronica

IMG_8677Hey there! I am well aware that this title is a bit foreboding but please don’t let that color me scary.  I am a milspouse and proud of it.  I have actually “graduated” as my hubby has since retired from the military. Adios Uncle Sam!!! So- you may think it’s over.  It’s done! No wars or deployments for this all American couple! From the practical side of things they are.  From the relationship side? Not so much…

First step is knowing the signs and sometimes that isn’t all that obvious.  I have a sweet tempered and relaxed attitude type hubby.  If he is strangely tense or irritable- something is up.

He is never one to be hostile but it can get lonely as he withdraws into his own headspace.  Kid dealing with a life struggle?  Hubby can’t help.  Overwhelmed with caring for home/work/kids/ect? Hubby can’t help.  Having an emotionally over the top day because your hangry and Aunt Flow is banging at the door-or just had a bad day? Hubby can’t help.  That’s what PTSD looks like at my house.  No angry outlashes but I feel as if I have lost my friend.  This is the heartbreak.  These things don’t stay constant. Thankfully!

We have good and bad days.  Here are my top tips to keep more good days happening:

  1. Pray daily for your spouse and your relationship *Daily* yes, daily! This is so important because all it takes is one harsh word and Mr. Strong and Silent is all clamped up again. He has to be able to trust you.  Show it with your words.
  2. Get out! Do your hair! Be gorgeous! Read a book! Get some me time.  Dealing with life gets hairy and you need to step away now and then.  I did not follow this advice and I fell into burn out.  Oh, wicked burnout- it’s ugly y’all!
  3. Confide in someone -ANYONE.  Well, not just anyone. Someone you trust.  Even someone who has no idea what you are facing will do.  You just need a good ear so you can release any built up frustrations safely.  *please* do not “DUMP” on your friends- use good judgement here. You want them to listen to you next time too so keep your friends happy and be an ear for them when they need it too 🙂
  4. Look for people who “get it”.  This might be joining a FB page or making contact with another milspouse.  I have only a handful of wives that I know well so I went online and listened to webinars.  Whatever you need to connect and feel understood. You aren’t alone.
  5. Be proactive about your marriage and your home.  Plan fun activities for your children.  Plan date nights.  Be the cruise ship recreational director! Your spouse may need the nudge to get out and do.  You may be exhausted already but getting a jolt of “something new” may just unlock a door or two.  You may end up with many happy surprises along the way.
  6. Seek wise counsel when needed.  Not your favorite Auntie who hates all men or your high school girlfriend three times divorced.  I am forever thankful for the mentors in my life.  Their lives have inspired me to live better and kinder.
  7. Finally, don’t be afraid to start over.  Sometimes we truly need a restart.  If you are really struggling-get that restart.  Get “remarried”, say those vows again –  they will have an even deeper meaning now than ever before.  You can’t avoid change so embrace it.  Commit yourself to marry the man that came home to you- not the memory of the man you remember. Best wishes and big love, Veronica
Love

Talkin’ bout love

veronica

I must confess… I have a struggle. (Insert long sigh) Marriage was stinky hard for me.  The wife thing never really made total sense.  My role…well…just wasn’t clear in my mind.  I knew I had to be a friend, a helper, a giver and forgiver.  Other than that I guess I was lost. So for all you kinda-missed-the-pre-marriage-counseling ladies out there I have a few little things that have helped me along the way.

Dating Divas- good stuff there people! (can do on a cheap budget too!)

5 love languages- again, good stuff

Good examples- find a couple who has been happily married many years

Honor- simply put, honor that guy for the man he is. It just may change how he treats you for the better…win-win!

Speak love- this is a good one for me.  I get a little tense and I need to at the least relax for the moment to focus on my words and say what I MEAN *not* what I FEEL. Counting to five is a good slow it down before you respond mechanism

Kisses- yes, even when you don’t feel like it.  Be affectionate when/how it suits you.  Don’t go super PDA if you are uncomfortable but a little squeeze/touch/smile/wink can go a long way

Happy Lovin’ !