Do you ever find yourself catching glimpses into other peoples lives and thinking “Wow, I should be doing something like that.” Or are you ever faced with a task that seems so mundane and so repetitive that you think man I really should be living a more adventurous or fulfilling life. Or maybe you just feel like when you are doing one thing there are a million so much more important things in this world that you should be doing at that very moment.
I am so that way. I always feel like I should be doing everything all at once and it should all be super important and very official and so on and so forth. But to be honest with you I’ve never had any huge life goals or ambitions. I don’t mean that I’m lazy or an underachiever. I was a highly involved individual in high school with good grades and I entered so many clubs as well as held positions in those clubs. As an adult I have been highly involved in many activities and a leader in some of those as well. But when it comes down to a real life job all I ever really wanted to do was help people.
I remember in grade school doing an assignment that required us to write down what we wanted to be when we grow up. I think we’ve all had at least a dozen of those assignments. I remember distinctly being very worried and concerned that there was something wrong with me. Because I did not want to be a movie star or an artist or a ballet dancer. I wanted to help people. That’s it.
When I look around at others who are very successful it’s hard not to feel the pang of jealousy. I could have done so many things, yet I did not. I know that God has put them on this earth to do the job that they have before them and that’s awesome. I am happy for them. And I want them to succeed in a huge way. But that was never for me.
In high school friend of mine and I went to a model and talent search in Seattle Washington. Her mother drove us and we were all high excitement and adventure. Talent search! We were on our way to fame and fortune. So we enter the building and each took our respective tests and waited for our hidden talents to be discovered. I was entering the model competition. And my friend was wanting to do the commercial portion. Ironically, we both got call backs but in the opposite categories! She was called back for the model search and I was called back to do another commercial.
We opted out of the call back because we were both pretty pooped by then and it was a long day. It would’ve been fun to see what had come of it but I knew in my heart that it wasn’t something that I really wanted to pursue. I did not want to be on TV or to be famous. I didn’t want to waste my time chasing a dream that may not become a reality and that wouldn’t satisfy me anyways.
Now as an adult I can see my kids growing and getting ready to move out and start their own lives. I wonder if being a mother and being a wife and giving all of that energy to others has been wasted. But when I look at my kids and my husband I think how could I have chosen to miss this?
I’m in a transition right now with life in general. Things have definitely changed in the last few years for me. I’m no longer an all day every day turbo charged woman. I am decidedly slower and much less energetic. It’s not my favorite. I miss being a doer. But I am embracing what I can and cannot do.
My son is entering adulthood and now I’m having to help him figure out adult things. It’s not always easy. But my kids know that I put them first and that I love them so very much and would help them in anyway that I can. To have them come to me with their problems and know that they can trust me to support them and to guide them to the best of my ability is priceless.
Beyond that I’m just really thankful that God has given me an opportunity to be available to just be a friend to so many people that need a friend. I am not perfect. I am not super smart. I am not super talented. But I am one super awesome friend!
And you know what being a friend means? It means helping people. I help people in little ways. I watch their babies, I make them dinner, I hold their hand and I listen to them cry on the phone. I’m not moving mountains. I’m not doing great things but I was made for a purpose and that is to be a help.
I did a lot of life on my own and sometimes if I overthink it bitterness can creep in. But I realized that in order to fulfill my purpose in life I would need to be the person that I wish I had. It’s amazing what peacefulness I have found in this simple revelation.
Wishing you all the good things❤️