Month: September 2017

Life

Wisdom for the day

veronica

Hey there, just having a wondering type of morning over here.  I’m on the fence about a possibly very important decision.  One that I have had a couple of months to ponder and still have not come to any  conclusive answer.

I did a pro/con list for both DOING THE THING and NOT DOING THE THING.  That always seems to help identify where the real issues lie.  Anyhow, as I ponder I pray.

King Solomon was said to be the wisest man alive.  I wonder if he could stand in this digital age?  Would he know what to do and what advice to give in this time of information overload?

God, give me wisdom.  Wisdom for today

Life

The Me-ness of Me

veronica

This is the struggle: to live truer to myself.  I know there a lot of cliches out there.  I am not out on a soul search to find myself.  I simply want to stop worrying about how I will be viewed and make the choices/say the things/do the stuff that I would do if I wasn’t constantly putting the “should dos” of life in forefront.

I am getting older.  I am NOT OLD!  But I am not going to gain any extra days or years in this lifetime.  I want them to count.  I want to matter.  I want people to miss me when I’m gone.  Most importantly- I want to live so that I leave part of me behind.

I am at this very moment. being a wife, mom, teacher, Sunday school bus worker and a farmer.  Each of these roles requires a lot of work and attention.  I cannot do them all well all the time.  I have learned some by heart and so the routine often gets me through.  Do I love these jobs? YES! Do I want to keep doing them? YES! But what do you do when you find yourself being swirled in circles by the carousel of life?  Life on repeat- around, and around again.

I am in the midst of one of those times.  Dear reader, I need to break free.  This life is a one time shot.  Do or die, baby! Actually, it’s do and die – we all face that day when our time is up.

I have challenged myself to be the me-est me I can be.  Say all the stuff!  Do all the things! Make choices and if they don’t work make more!

Well, I am feeling better already

Let’s go carpe that diem!

Kids, Life

Tuesday tumble

veronica
The blue sky and my boy

It’s Tuesday- the first day of school for us.  I should be doing the mom thing…taking the pics. Posting on FB- Look at my gorgeous, amazing, talented offspring!  They are completely superior because they are going into — grade! Except- it kinda feels weird to me.  I love my children.  I am soooo proud of them.  Just not because they happen to be bumped up the stair step of life.  I am proud of them for so many things.  Mostly, they way they make me laugh and the fact that they are just really fabulous human beings.  So to all you school selfie takers- snap on! Just don’t be surprised if I post my kid with a misshapen pancake on their head and a goofy grin instead of a school pic.

Kids, Life, Love

Campfire contemplation

veronica

We recently took a family camping trip.  I’m not sure if it was the beauty of the night sky or simply insomnia but I was up in the wee hours to kindle the fire and muse.

Here it is:

Sitting here by the fire in my hoodie, I contemplate life as I sip my coffee. Instant Taster’s Choice…. It is anything but- the coffee, I mean.

Anyhow, I am so thankful for my family peacefully snoozing in the “8 person tent” (always subtract at least 2 when buying a new tent) behind me. I wonder a moment at my love for them.  How have these persons shaped me? Created a better being simply by entering the world.

I wonder if I have helped them enough.  Have I made them resilient and strong enough? Have I prayed for them as much as I could have? I find myself coming up short in so many ways.

I cannot undo what is done or return to moments past. We all get one shot.  I have loved my children fiercely- manically at times. Holding onto them as if I would break.  Maybe I would have.

My grasp on their world loosens as they grow.  I see beauty in the people they are becoming. I am so thankful for the positive influences and people around them that helped shape their lives. And yet, I miss the little days.  The hold my hand days- read me a story days.

I want to erase every angry word, every frustrated outburst – but I cannot.This is the irony and yet perfection of God’s plan.  If we could redo it would we be even more careless knowing we could always go back and fix it? It keeps me humble and looking forward to a better tomorrow.

I’m sure most mothers can relate,  How many times has our crown slipped? How many times did our rule as Queen Mama become a tyranny? You are not alone.  We have a God who believes in grace.  So much, in fact that He showered us with it.  I am learning (I’m a slow learner sometimes) to apply that to myself.  I’m not perfect- no one expects me to be. Except maybe me……

Today, Veronica, I give you grace.  I officially have permission to be human.  It is a gift I am giving to myself.

I look into the small fire before me. I watch the pieces of wood smoke then catch. Then it suddenly blossoms into flames.  I think of the scripture about the smoking flax.

…A bruised reed he will not break and smoking flax shall he not quench… Matthew 12:20

That’s me.  Smoking flax. I’ve been worn and I have failed at times but I am not finished.  I’m going to polish off my crown.  God is in charge of this fire.

Get Happy!, Health, Life, Love, Marriage

Lingering PTSD and your sanity

veronica

IMG_8677Hey there! I am well aware that this title is a bit foreboding but please don’t let that color me scary.  I am a milspouse and proud of it.  I have actually “graduated” as my hubby has since retired from the military. Adios Uncle Sam!!! So- you may think it’s over.  It’s done! No wars or deployments for this all American couple! From the practical side of things they are.  From the relationship side? Not so much…

First step is knowing the signs and sometimes that isn’t all that obvious.  I have a sweet tempered and relaxed attitude type hubby.  If he is strangely tense or irritable- something is up.

He is never one to be hostile but it can get lonely as he withdraws into his own headspace.  Kid dealing with a life struggle?  Hubby can’t help.  Overwhelmed with caring for home/work/kids/ect? Hubby can’t help.  Having an emotionally over the top day because your hangry and Aunt Flow is banging at the door-or just had a bad day? Hubby can’t help.  That’s what PTSD looks like at my house.  No angry outlashes but I feel as if I have lost my friend.  This is the heartbreak.  These things don’t stay constant. Thankfully!

We have good and bad days.  Here are my top tips to keep more good days happening:

  1. Pray daily for your spouse and your relationship *Daily* yes, daily! This is so important because all it takes is one harsh word and Mr. Strong and Silent is all clamped up again. He has to be able to trust you.  Show it with your words.
  2. Get out! Do your hair! Be gorgeous! Read a book! Get some me time.  Dealing with life gets hairy and you need to step away now and then.  I did not follow this advice and I fell into burn out.  Oh, wicked burnout- it’s ugly y’all!
  3. Confide in someone -ANYONE.  Well, not just anyone. Someone you trust.  Even someone who has no idea what you are facing will do.  You just need a good ear so you can release any built up frustrations safely.  *please* do not “DUMP” on your friends- use good judgement here. You want them to listen to you next time too so keep your friends happy and be an ear for them when they need it too 🙂
  4. Look for people who “get it”.  This might be joining a FB page or making contact with another milspouse.  I have only a handful of wives that I know well so I went online and listened to webinars.  Whatever you need to connect and feel understood. You aren’t alone.
  5. Be proactive about your marriage and your home.  Plan fun activities for your children.  Plan date nights.  Be the cruise ship recreational director! Your spouse may need the nudge to get out and do.  You may be exhausted already but getting a jolt of “something new” may just unlock a door or two.  You may end up with many happy surprises along the way.
  6. Seek wise counsel when needed.  Not your favorite Auntie who hates all men or your high school girlfriend three times divorced.  I am forever thankful for the mentors in my life.  Their lives have inspired me to live better and kinder.
  7. Finally, don’t be afraid to start over.  Sometimes we truly need a restart.  If you are really struggling-get that restart.  Get “remarried”, say those vows again –  they will have an even deeper meaning now than ever before.  You can’t avoid change so embrace it.  Commit yourself to marry the man that came home to you- not the memory of the man you remember. Best wishes and big love, Veronica